Friday, May 29, 2009

Hour By Hour

Whew! I have worked ten hours daily for four days. That is too much for the type of work that I do, so I feel exhausted! Not that every moment has been agonizing. There have been several instances that my patients have been working to support me when I whine about how difficult the move is! Perhaps I am loosening up at the office, focusing on saying goodbye rather than doing what I ought to be doing, but perhaps saying goodbye is what I need to be doing, and it is saying goodbye that is most distressing. In fact, I have not been consistent at all. I start off the session trying to wrap things up and end up adding another session in another month. I am avoiding saying goodbye.

I came home to children wanting food. I felt like a mother bird returning to her nest with her little birds. I cooked and got everything onto the table and then my oldest daughter picked over her food and ate almost nothing. I have to adjust to my college age daughter being home. She is fiercely independent and has been away most of the past for two years, and is accustomed to running her own life and not listening to her mother or contributing to the household. It makes me crazy of course, and she is clearly eager to get out of the house as soon as possible, which both makes me sad and relieved. I am surprised she wants to come to Ecuador with us; I guess she wants to go to Ecuador but does not want to be too close to her family. Which is perfectly normal for teenagers. I cannot remember wanting to be around my parents at that age!!!!

Maya will have only three more days of school. She cleaned out her desk and her locker today and seems to be gearing toward our year away. When I am more positive about Ecuador, she gets more excited. Unfortunately I have been unable to get her interested in learning Spanish. I have Spanish instruction books and workbooks and they do not catch her attention at all. I wonder how we will get her prepared for school. We register next Monday, and pay a big chunk of her tuition, so that will be a moment of commitment. We have a lease offer too, and that will be another move toward commitment. I want to find something wrong with the offer, so I can have some room to keep my options open. Avoiding decisions as usual.

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