Instead of going through boxes and bags and packing, I am catching up on episodes of 'In Treatment'. So all day I am in my office talking to patients, and when I come home I watch a psychiatrist treating patients. Doesn't make much sense; after a long day in the office, I choose to watch more therapy! I guess anything is better than working on the house! Actually the show is remarkably good; I am impressed with Gabriel Byrne and the script. And I am absolutely sick of the house!
Eric is so much better at this than I. He gets focused on a room or a project and pushes through. Last night it was Tara's room. He believes he will get everything organized in a week. I simply get stuck and confused and can't decide what to keep and what to let go of and I find myself moving things from one part of my room to another. When I complain of being overwhelmed and exhausted, his explanation is that we are putting in time now for our reward later, which is the year in Euador, and for me it is taking a year off work.
I have no idea what it is like not to work every day. I am looking forward to it and I am excited, but I do not know what to expect and whether or not I will adjust. I have all sorts of plans, but part of me wants to have no plans, no projects, no agenda. I look forward to being free, to wake up each morning and stay in bed, read a book, go for a walk, hang out with Maya after school. I look forward to Maya not having every night booked with an activity. She has been talking about feeling disconnected; perhaps our year in Ecuador will give us all a chance to connect as a family.
I think Eric and I both have all sorts of hopes and dreams about our year away. Everything in our lives will be transformed, never to be the same again. I am expecting it all to be better, but I have no assurance of that. It will simply be different.