Saturday, April 24, 2010

Not Ready to Leave

Nymph Near Peabody

Having a few days to acclimatize to Baltimore is a good thing. I want the transition back to our former home to be as smooth as possible. I am most worried about Maya, who is finally adjusting to her school in Quito and finding her place there. Her language skills are improving and she is more and more comfortable. It does not feel right at all to leave just as she is feeling at home in her school and her environment. When I returned to her old school in Baltimore, I realized that it was not right for her at all; it was never a good fit for her anyway, and now that I have experienced a very different method of teaching which suits her so much better, it makes it more difficult to return.

Other than the school issue, moving back to Baltimore does not feel overwhelming. My office has been well taken care of and when I start working again in August, I will have familiar patients, helpful colleagues, and a good system in place which I will not have too much trouble adjusting to. There are welcoming friends and acquaintances and places, so that I feel that we belong here, that it is our home. I had a wonderful day visiting with friends and returned to Peabody where I began organizing Maya's music and dance classes for the summer. Once again it felt so good to feel welcome and part of a place. I felt so lucky when I wandered into a concert hall to listen to an amazing soprano student recital.

Yet, I do not want to leave Quito, where I have started to feel at home. I am not done there yet, I need more time. I feel entirely unready to leave, wanting to hang on, stay longer, find some sort of excuse or project or reason to sign on for another year or more. Eric too has often said he has finally started on his work in earnest, and leaving in two months is simply too soon. We have no choice in the matter, too many obligations, expectations, plans in place. But if we could stay......

Mount Vernon Square