Saturday, April 10, 2010

Back on Track

Decision made. I will return to the USA for treatment in the next few weeks. I heard from my daughter Tara in Italy, who will stay with me and support me through the process. Maya would like to be with me too, but it may be better for her to continue her life here. I feel calmer and more hopeful. I have watched videos of the surgery online and it does not look much different than it did 30 years ago when I was in medical school. I am hoping it is routine nowadays and that the technology is superior. I believe that there is more infrastructure in the USA if something goes wrong.

I visited with the group of Canadian women at Nuala's house two doors away and asked for opinions all around, which confirmed my decision. It felt good to see everyone and feel connected. It was a small and intimate group this time. We discussed projects and formalizing our group and meeting more regularly, as well as planning more activities as well as family events.

Maya and I wanted to go to Yanayacu to join Eric, but perhaps not, because we both lingered at Nuala's house, and it was almost dark when we got home. Taking a three hour busride today and again tomorrow was not compelling, although the place is beautiful and interesting and I prepared my camera for more photos. We could wake up early tomorrow and visit for the day, but that is six hours in the bus for the day, and that feels overwhelming. I suppose I am also scared to do anything that potentially endangers my neck. Living endangers my neck. Moving endangers my neck. Staying home does not guarantee safety.

So we stayed home and watched movies and I had a pedicure and manicure. We walked to Boncaffe for coffee and Corfu for an ice cream and Cyrano's for cake for the party.

I slept very little, preoccupied with death and dying and what I needed to do before I died. I ended up deciding that there was nothing I really had to do and that I wasn't going to die anyway.