Introduction

Our arrival in the dark and the cold and lonely airport was unfortunate. Once at Erika's house, we were well taken care of and comfortable. I slept until the afternoon yesterday, and woke up to brilliant sunshine and huge jets flying overhead. We are near the airport, and there are no noise reduction regulations, but a new airport is being built outside of he city. We are on the fourth floor of a house in an area of Quito called JipiJapa. The bottom floor is occupied by the import export business that Isabel and her separated husband own. We pass over a rooftop to get to our rooms, where we are surrounded by mountains. Cotopaxi is visible in the distance, and the teleferico (which I have yet to ascend) to Pichincha (at least I think it is Pichincha but it could be another mountain, I must look it up) beckons as well.

I was awake only a short time before dusk yesterday. Our major outing was a visit with Isabel to the MegaMaxi supermarket, which is a huge warehouse with everything one can imagine available for purchase, including food and cleaning products and toilet articles. We spent hours in the place, with Maya most eager to buy school supplies, but accepting that we must have a list first.

Of note is how slow and deliberate every step is. There is no hurry, and waiting is simply part of the experience. We have two baggers who take the buggy to the car and unload it. Isabel tips each of them and also the parking attendant. We drive home in the dark and eat dinner around 9:30 PM. Lunch was chicken and rice and beans. Dinner was another kind of green bean, much larger than a lima bean, To eat them, one uses a nail to open the top of the bean and squeezes out the insides to eat. Maya was not impressed and ate only one or two, and she did not like the simple cheese that went with the meal. She was starving through the night and woke me up early begging for food.

Our rooftop is spectacular in the dark, with all the lights of the city spread out in each direction and the mountains looming overhead. The moon is full and shining brightly with a halo around it. I took a photo of the moon and it does not look real, but I am reassured that it is the same moon in Baltimore and in Edmonton and in San Francisco and Paris and Bahamas, all the places that we have family waiting to hear from us.

Later.....

This was our first full day in Quito. I am not sure I can adjust to the pace, or lack thereof. I am restless and not very comfortable with doing nothing. Part of the issue is living with others and being entirely dependent on them for food, shelter, and transportation. Maya appears perfectly content. I am simply accustomed to being active and busy and rarely do I stop moving in my ordinary life. So I am going crazy already, and cannot wait to get moving. Erika almost convinced me to live near her house in JipiJapa, because it is closer to Maya's school and if we live near the centre of the city, which is my preference, Maya will spend altogether too much time in the bus traveling from home to school and back. We also found a promising ballet school nearby, and if Maya still wants to dance three times weekly, a ballet school walking distance would be helpful. And the area is eminently affordable.

We walked around the neighborhood, and there are stores and everything that one would need nearby. An inordinate number of hair salons, but I think that is the case all over Quito. We took a second walk to the dog park. Maya loved running around after the dogs. I am astonished at how cold it is, and despite wearing my ski sweater and long pants I was freezing. Isabel tells me that this is usual for the summer. I realize that Maya and I need much warmer clothes, and will have to supplement what we have with us.

We found a place a block away that has a summer program for Maya that may be a way to learn Spanish. I was considering sending her to a Spanish camp, there being several excellent Spanish schools in Quito, but I found no programs for children. Just being around other children may be enough to get her ready for school in three weeks, or perhaps I am being ambitious for her. I convinced myself that I ought to enroll in Spanish classes, because although I understand alot, I am clearly out of my element here. When we went to the dogpark this evening, I thought to learn something just listening to Erika speak with her dogfriends, but I zoned out early on; too much work to concentrate all the time.

I look forward to exploring the city. I have decided that after three days of waiting for nothing to happen, it is time to start my adventure. This is a holiday weekend, in celebration of Independence Day on Monday August 10. Many Quitenos are off for the weekend, at the beach or the jungle or at weekend retreats. I am not sure how many tourists are lolling about. I wonder about the city celebrations; Isabel and Erika like to stay home and hide. So much is hidden in this city. The homes are surrounded by high stucco walls, they are mysterious, obscure...

Arrival

Maya fell asleep on the floor of the Miami airport. Our gate changed and when it was finally time to board the plane, I could not wake her up, and ultimately had to pick her up by the legs and drag her for a bit. It is disappointing that I cannot carry her anymore; she has always been a great traveller and it was easy when she could rest in my arms.

Our twelve hours in the airport were not horrible. At first we walked the length of the U shaped departures terminals to find our airline counter. It was not to open until 5 PM, so we checked out the various eating establishments, finally settling on a food court where Maya could eat a Caesar's salad and I could inhale my favourite doppio espresso macchiato with extra foam. The 'Mindworks' toystore was next, where Maya found a yapping electronic dog and a meowing cat, both affordable for $12.99, but in the end not essential to her existence. We parked ourselves and our four huge duffel bags in the Borders bookshop, where I debated buying a book on South American History but got side-tracked by a book abut the exploitation of South America, the one which Chavez gave Obama when they met. Maya was comfortably molded into a leather armchair reading the fifth Harry Potter book. Suddenly it was close to 5 PM when our counter would be opening, so I discovered a giftcard form Borders in my purse and purchased my book. I offered to buy a book for Maya but once again she decided it was not essential.

We checked in and were happy with our seats but disappointed that our flight was leaving a few hours late. Security was our next gauntlet, where I misplaced my jacket with my cellphone in it and panicked again, sure that someone had mistakenly left with it. I blamed the security personnel for not taking care of things and embarrassed Maya (she told me to chill). But it was found and we were off to our gate. Maya was perfectly content to watch another episode of StarWars while I read my book. Our waiting area gradually filled up with Ecuadorians, all who seemed to be very patient and relaxed with the one hour then two hour, three hour and then four hour wait. It was so cold waiting and I ordered the hottest chocolate to warm up. By the time we started moving again to find food, the restaurants and shops were closed and Maya ate a small bowl of fruit for dinner. I found a bag of nuts in my purse. For once I bought nothing at the duty free shop, which is entirely new and unusual behaviour for me.

Maya fell asleep while I struggled with the internet provider (they kept denying my credit card and I kept putting in another until I was charged several times for the same hour of service. All I had time for was to make an effort to contact the provider to reverse the charges. When our plane was boarding I was unable to awaken Maya, so I dragged her by the legs until she wok up and promptly fell back asleep once in the plane. We missed dinner, drinks and immigration papers. Our landing in Guayaquil was uneventful and we landed in Quito at 4:30 AM.

Without our immigration papers, we were sent to the back of the line to fill out forms. We were literally the last people through to the baggage claim, where we found two out of four bags ripped open and the contents pouring out. We looked pathetic wandering through to the entrance of the building with no one to meet us. The taxi drivers tried to convince us to go to a hotel. I called Eric on my iphone which offended him because it costs a few dollars a minute, but he was able to contact Erika, who came around 5. What a sorry sight we were alone in the cold morning with our broken bags and exhausted faces. We fell asleep before 7, 24 hours after we started this journey.

And Off We Go

We got an early start today. As is usual, the night before trip, I stay up through the night finishing everything on my lists and making sure nothing is left undone. Maya and Eric fell asleep early, but my lights were out at about 4:30 AM, and the alarm 'boinged' at 7. We got moving quickly and the traffic to the airport was sparse. I misplaced my passport early on at the airport (sign of anxiety), worrying Maya and Eric and the skycap before I found it in my pocket. Airtran to Miami was easy. Miami International Airport was big and our twelve hour wait for our flight was long. Finding food, talking to my sister, reading books at Borders, getting our bags checked in, all smooth and uncomplicated except for when I misplaced my jacket and phone when going through Security and panicked again. All was found and Maya told me to 'chill', so we have been sitting at our gate watching our departure time get later and later, now four hours late so we will arrive in Quito tomorrow morning. We chose this flight because it saved us $300, but I am not sure the inconvenience is worth any amount. Maya was watching 'StarWars' and was perfectly happy while I was reading and getting colder and colder. We have tried to warm up with hot chocolate but that was a temporary fix.

Maya finally falls asleep on the floor while I try to sort out the Internet. I tried to buy it online and it rejected my Amex twice and then I used my Visa and later I discovered that I was charged three times for the same service. I wonder how to fix it, because when I call there are only electronic answers and the email address I hear on the phone does not work. Is this a scam or am I just entirely incompetent? People use this service daily, why do I have to mess up?

Miami is our introduction to South America. I only hear Spanish here, and everyone appears to be taking in the delay comfortably. So I am trying to chill. And not quite at ease with myself yet.

Skype Night

Tonight was Skype night with both sets of grandparents. Bahamas and Canada, the possibilites are quite amazing. Maya was entirely silly throughout the conversations, as if she was performing. She played her violin through the internet, I am not sure how it sounded, but it was fun to hear her play her new and untried piece and her performance piece. We will be 'wired' in Ecuador, and will be able to skype and email and facebook and send photos and movies and be present the lives of family and friends as much as we wish. So different from when I left home and called weekly and wrote infrequently. I wonder how much my parents missed me. Perhaps they were happy to be free of my teenage irritability and were willing to give me the space to grow up and toward them again. Tara and I have made skype appointments for her year away. I am still reeling from the anticipation of a year away from her with little likelihood of seeing her. Skype and email will have to do for us.

I think my year in Ecuador will be a year of getting to know my Macbook computer. I took a seminar at the apple store to find out about the basics ( all new to me after six months with this laptop and seven years with an iMac. Ordinarily I just ask Eric to do anything I cannot do, and I never bother to learn new skills because I have Eric to help me. It is time I learned to do it on my own. That is one of my goals this year; learning how to use these incomprehensible machines. i took a workshop on making iMovies and using my iPhoto. I am eager to learn more, and I have been directed to online tutorials, which I will finally have time to review.

May and I joined the library yesterday, primarily so that I can get online and download books. I have been stressing about where to find books to read. Eric suggests I read in Spanish, and of course there will be books galore in Spanish when we live in Ecuador. but I do want to read in English too. One of my goals for the year is to catch up on classics. Barnes and Nobles has eBooks to download, the classics being free. The library appears to have a user friendly way to find books to read. I will have to read on my computer, which is not quite like turning the pages of a musty old book, but it will have to do. I decided against kindle mostly because I have so much technology with me, I wonder if I have too much. How will I keep track of my laptop and camera and lenses and iphone and the cellphone I will have and Maya's violin and more. Too much to keep track of! And the kindle does not work in Ecuador.

We are off early tomorrow morning for Miami. We arrive around noon and wander through the airport until our flight at 9 PM. We fly through Guayaquil and arrive at 1:30 AM in Quito. Erika will pick us up and bring us to her home and we will fall into bed exhausted and wake up in our new city, Quito, and our adventure will begin.

Goodbyes

I said goodbye to my daughter Tara today. This is a true separation, different from any other goodbyes; final, I can't go back and fix anything anymore in her life. Not that I have been able to fix anything for years, but there has always been hope that I can make a difference. I left Tara with Maya for a few hours, hoping they would have some time to connect, but I am not sure that really happened, I have so little control over anything anymore. Tara wants so desperately to be away from Baltimore, from me, from the family that she has. She has been miserable at home, but then again this has not been home, we have been living out of suitcases, clothes piled up on chairs, nothing where I can find it, sleeping on the floor, borrowing Daphne's car, eating extraordinarily healthy food.

Tara likes to bake, and took over the kitchen today, baking ginger cookies, which were all gone very quickly. We watched an episode of Trueblood this evening . I have missed too many episodes, not having had a television. There has been no time to watch TV anyway. Tara knows how to download anything off the internet, I have no idea how she does it. I thought she would be gone yesterday, and expressed disappointment that she had decided not to spend the day with me, so I wonder if she felt guilty and decided to stay a little longer. She catches a flight to Las Vegas early tomorrow morning to see her cousins out west, so she took the train to DC this evening.

Originally when our plan for Ecuador germinated, we expected Tara to stay at school in New York. In time, however, it became clear that she wanted more than anything else to get away from her life. I would rather have her with me, get to know her better, experience Ecuador together. But at 19, it is natural for her to want to live her own life, her own dreams. And I must let her go, even if my heart is breaking and I don't feel she is ready and I am certainly not ready.

Teenage Angst

In one way I am entirely ready for Ecuador. My frustration tolerance has expanded markedly. This is a useful skill for living in Ecuador, because nothing quite happens as planned., and today was one of those days. I woke up early to pick Tara up from her friend's twenty-first birthday party, but Tara did not answer her phone after I texted several times. This is significant because she is ordinarily glued to her phone and checks for texts constantly. I spoke to her after I had already left for DC and explained that I had an appointment at the Apple store (the one nearby is closed for renovations and this is the only store I could make an appointment with today). We had made a lunch date with her father and his wife Anita, and I thought this would be a special way to say good bye for the year. Tara clearly did not want to go and had told her father the night before that she was not going anyway. When I spoke with him he was ready to meet us for lunch and disappointed when it was canceled but then very understanding but wistful when it was clear she had no intention of joining us in DC. I was confused but surprisingly accepting of her decision.

I had a peaceful ride to Bethesda in the rain and made it in good time. My computer is slow and some functions are not working and it may be because I dropped it a few months ago and it has a dent in the corner of the screen. I could replace the screen for $450, and if I used pliers to straighten the corner I would lose my warranty. I was told that I needed a 'genius' appointment to sort out the slowness of the computer, and of course the first day there was an opening was on Thursday this week.

I realized lunch was canceled, so I did not stay long in Bethesda; I raced home to have lunch with Daphne and say good-bye. She was on her way to Boston to teach a week of violin lessons at a daycamp. I will not see Daphne for a year! We will stay in her house while she is gone and watch Elmer. After she left, I raced back to Bethesda hoping to have a Genius appointment, but he store was packed and I learned about making imovies instead, which was exciting but I have forgotten how to do it already. There are tutorials on the computer which I will have time to explore once in Ecuador. That will be one of my goals while I am gone; I will become more proficient with my laptop. Eric takes care of my computer and tells me what to do when I get stuck. I am ordinarily quite helpless with it.

This was my last day with Tara for a year, but she did not make contact until I was on my way to a yoga class much much later to find some peace and serenity. It was a timely class, all about letting go and not holding on to hurts and resentment. Exactly what I needed today. Tara felt entirely abandoned by me, or that is what she said, and she is so convincing that I am almost ready to agree with her, but when I thought further I realized that I had put aside the day for her and she chose not to participate, so clearly she is confused and I need to let go of the hurt and stay steady and loving and let go.

Maya spent a very happy day with her friends. I picked her up late and had her practice violin on into the evening while trying and failing to skype my parents, so they could hear Maya's private concert. Their computer is upstairs in a bedroom and they rarely hear the ring, despite having made arrangements to connect. In truth, communication improves every week and even my mother is appreciating the perks of technology. Unfortunately they still struggle with turning on the computer and getting skype to work, but most of the time there is success.

Two more days until we leave for Quito. I have packed three out of four bags, and the last is full of books so I do not think that will do, but I cannot let go of any of the books, or not yet. I will wait until tomorrow and reassess. I think I am well on my way o being finished, and I am so eager to go. We have been preparing and anticipating for too long. It is time for our adventure in Ecuador to begin.

Big Day

Today was Maya's big day. But it was also an easy day. We took our time getting moving, made major decisions about hair after oatmeal and blueberries for breakfast, ran through her piece before playing 30 minutes with the Wii. When Marius is home, he starts with the Wii or iphone or computer video games when he awakens and does not stop until he falls asleep. And he is brilliant at all computer games. Maya really cannot compete, but today she had the Wii to herself, and enjoyed her 30 minutes.

I had to dash to my office to finally see my last two patients (I keep saying that, but I think this is it!) and then buy treats for the party, before picking up Maya in her stunningly beautiful dress she borrowed from Belina. Tara joined us for the concert, and Maya was near the end. She was absolutely amazing. She is so passionate about the music, and the audience is at the edge of their seats as she carries them through the piece. I cannot breathe and the room is silent except for the sound of her instrument. I am stunned by her performance. I hear every wrong note and rhythm, after working with her on the same piece for two months, yet she captures me again and again with the drama of the piece. I am so proud of her!

A surprise baby shower celebrates the October birth of Aurelia, Elizabeth and Jonathan's first child. Elizabeth has been teaching Maya for four years at Peabody and Maya played at her wedding two summers ago in Baltimore. There was a photo in the New York Times wedding pages with Maya front and center. Maya is very attached to Elizabeth, and struggles with saying good-bye. We know all the children from several recitals a year with Elizabeth, and we have listened and watched them grow together. There is cake and treats and gifts and hysteria and Maya and I say our farewells and explain that we are leaving for Ecuador in three days, and there is encouragement all around. But what about the violin? I keep explaining that we will find an orchestra and a teacher and stay on track. Maya wants to move to New Jersey to stay close to Ms. Elizabeth, and to be near New York City!

Tara arrived Thursday morning when Eric picked her up in Manhattan after she flew home from France. She is here until tomorrow, when she goes to DC to stay with her father and

fly out to see cousins in Las Vegas. She is not content to be home and finds everything about Baltimore objectionable. I remember feeling that way about Edmonton and wanting never to return after medical school, and ultimately I left and never returned. I am trying to understand how my mother felt at the time, and this experience certainly gives me another perspective. I am sad that Tara does not want to be here and participate in our lives.