Reality

Pichincha View

I wandered around Quito today, somewhat aimlessly, feeling overwhelmed by reality. I will be back in Baltimore in four months, working again, living in my house, paying bills, being responsible. I am not sure how to get from where I am now to the life I once had.

Our renters have decided to break the lease and leave two months early, which raises all sorts of issues for us. Perhaps they have bought a house and are eager to move on, perhaps they are tired of maintaining a house that appears to have been falling apart this past year. Repairs have been necessary for several appliances and the roof has had issues after the huge 100cm plus snowstorm. I am surprised each month when the cost of the repairs have been deducted off the rent check, but Eric has been confident that the renters have been responsible and are taking good care of the house.

I struggled so much with moving out of the house last spring that choosing renters felt impossible. None seemed right to me, so I left the work and the decision to Eric, and tried not to interfere by expressing my negative emotions (which were obvious anyway). I was uncomfortable with every aspect of the move, and of course the new renters added to my discomfort. Now I am trying very hard not to feel panicky and simply come up with solutions to the challenges ahead.

It was an effort to push away the feeling of anxiety today. Leaving Baltimore was overwhelming and adjusting to Quito was painful, but now that I feel at home here, the thought of changing my circumstances again paralyzes me.

It felt good to be back in Quito again. The sun was shining and Pichincha was visible and I enjoyed my coffee at Boncaffe next door, where I caught up on local news. I wandered around in the Mariscal, making a final decision about the Galapagos, and contacted Rebecca to discuss plans for her arrival tomorrow night. Parque Carolina was less busy than usual in the afternoon, perhaps because for a while clouds were threatening, but I enjoyed my walk through the park to and from Maya's orchestra practice and the rain never came. I enjoyed my visit to Megamaxi for grocery shopping, where I try to stick to local products, which are taxed far less than imported goods. I kept reminding myself to pay attention and appreciate the moments, since even the mundane actions in my Quito routine will one day be remembered with nostalgia.

Carolina was Quiet