Loose

Eric worked on his website today (www.rio-napo.org) and it is up and running. It is full of information about traveling to Ecuador and will hopefully help everyone who plans to visit us while we are there. I wonder if we will have visitors. Ecuador is far away, not just in distance, but travelers to Ecuador are adventurers. For many, Ecuador may be out of their comfort zone. My parents will not visit; my father has been to Euador. He worked for the FAO/UN in the 60's and worked on agricultural economics projects. I imagine that Quito was very different in those days. I will have to ask him more about his experience.

I am in a far better place today and resolved to be positive about moving to Ecuador. Of course I have been enthusiastic from the start. The move is not the issue. I still believe that the year is going to be interesting and exciting and will redefine our lives in all sorts of wonderful ways. I did not expect to have to give up so much to make it happen. Losing the house is letting go of my anchor. I keep telling Eric that without the house I have nothing to come back to; such a statement confuses him. Does it mean I will leave him? That I will move somewhere else? Eric is committed to return to his Johns Hopkins position. Without my patients and my practice and without my house, I feel disconnected and oddly free of any obligation to return. I can go and do anything anywhere. So what happens if I do not want to return to Baltimore?

I cannot go further with this thought. I simply reach a void here. I have no specific wish or desire or dream germinating once we leave Ecuador. At this point just getting our lives ready for the move is as far as I can plan and think about. Once we are in Ecuador I have no idea what I will do or how we will live. Eric will be at the lab in the university daily and spend some time in the jungle. I have never been entirely free to do whatever I wish, so that will be the next hurdle. Once we are done with our year, there are no tethers, no foundations, no connections, no obligations. I am entirely let loose.