Change

Pippi died today. It was time, or at least that is what I am told. It felt like an execution. My daughter was home, so she was able to say good-bye and to hold him as he passed. It is late in the day and I have been avoiding feeling the loss, but now that I am sitting and not moving, I have no choice but to think about it. I miss him; he was a big presence in our lives and the house feels empty without him. 

I came back from New York and found my home transformed. Eric has made significant progress in emptying several of the rooms on the first floor. It looks cleaner and emptier and devoid of character; apparently this is the best way to sell a house. It is looking less like my house and more generic. 

Change is happening, and much faster than I am ready for. The house is less my house, my dog is dead, my practice is shrinking, we are firming up our plans for moving. I am learning that although I have always seen myself as brave and bold and ready for anything, that I like to hold on to what is familiar and I have more fears about the unknown than I thought I had. I am truly excited about the move and the adventure of living in Ecuador and pursuing a different direction in my  life, but at the same time, I want to hold on to all that I know and feel secure with.